I’ve always preached against acting out in spite. I have and always will, even if someone brings you pain that doesn’t give you the right to do the same to them. For the last two years, I carried a huge burden because there was a point where my heart was shattered. I just wanted them to feel an ounce of what I did and I acted on it.
When acting in anger, things are said that have no true meaning and actions are taken that you will be left to regret later. I think I held onto this guilt mainly because I meant everything I said, I never lied once. I felt like the world I’d known was melting away and I didn’t know how to acknowledge that in a healthy way. I go to therapy so I can process my pain and learn how to ground myself when my thoughts are just too much. Even though I’d had 5 years of that knowledge under my belt, I wasn’t properly prepared to deal with heartbreak. And I don’t think anyone truly is. I was vindictive and livid. But that didn’t give me the right to take actions that would hurt the source of these emotions. It never was my right. People have told me that I don’t need to be sorry, I don’t need to continue to feel this guilt - but I do. Because that person isn’t who I am, everything I did back then goes against everything that I stand for now. I urge you to not be this person, because it doesn’t matter what you were put through. You don’t have the right to hurt others, it doesn’t matter what the circumstance is. You don’t always know every facet of a situation; you don’t always understand things outside of your own emotions. So, please, don’t act out in anger. Don’t force people to understand how you feel, that’s not necessary. I genuinely believe that the universe has a way of balancing itself out. There is energy constantly surrounding us, both positive and negative. Sometimes we just have to power through the bad so we can enjoy the good that comes from life. It will only bite you in the ass if you try to carry out actions that time will take care of on its own. It’s not your responsibility, let life teach others as it will teach you. |
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February 2020
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