I really want to let go of my pain. Trust me, I want nothing more than to fully enjoy the love I have surrounding me because there’s so much. I am the closest to experiencing happiness as I have been since I was 12, I can’t lose that because of the darkness of my past. It’s loomed over me for years, for some time without my even realizing. I love my friends, I love my family and I love my life. These are all reasons why I’m ready to finally let go. I’ve held onto the way that people have hurt me to justify my actions for too damn long. To those that forced me into the deep depression I have experienced over the years - I don’t forgive you, but I am releasing you. This is the only way I believe I will ever reach peace within myself, after six years of going back and forth between filing police reports and restraining orders. I am ready to bury the memories, the trauma, the anxiety. Forgiving the person that I was, was the first step. Now I’m walking away from the memories and telling myself that I will be okay without having the baggage strapped to my chest because I’m going to run miles ahead without it. If you’ve ever had to do this, I commend you because it feels like it’s impossible. I feel like I’ve had a warning label wrapped around my heart to make sure not another soul breaks it but now it’s time for me to really move on. I’m no longer the girl who feels emptiness in her chest, because all the love that surrounds me every damn day has truly helped this shattered heart mend.
Nakaligtas ako... I survived, and now I will thrive. |
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February 2020
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